Not Love
by voldiesgonemoldy
Summary: she won't say she's in love. Ginny reflects on her feelings for Harry on a Valentines walk to Hogsmeade. A bit angsty but not really since we know how it all ends. I don't end HP


I let it go too far. I fell too hard too fast too deep. And now I'm standing here, watching him with another girl. Laughing and happy. Happy with her. With the other girl, the other girl is whom he wants. He never wanted me. Not me. Not Ginny, his best friend's little sister. I thought sometimes that there could be a glimmer of a chance, but I know better now. He'll never want me; he'll never see me for who I am. I opened up this year, talked more around him. Hermione was right it is better now, less awkward. And I guess this relationship shouldn't come as a surprise. I knew he liked her last year, and I've seen them flirting at the DA meetings. I even learned through my best friend that he'd asked her out. For Valentines Day, how cliché, right?

But even so, seeing them together like that made me feel like all the oxygen in the world was gone and I couldn't breathe for a moment. Of course I shouldn't forget that I have someone with me, too. Michael is sweet and cute, and he likes me, which is a pretty big plus if you ask me. Michael doesn't need to know I got together with him in an effort to make me think about You-Know-Who less. And no, I'm not talking about Voldemort. Unfortunately that little plan seems to have backfired. Instead of thinking about him less I think about him more. There they go again with the laughter. I swear if they don't stop looking so bloody happy I'm going to… but that's the thing I won't do anything because I want him to be happy. I only ever wanted him to be happy. Sure I'd rather it was me making him smile like that. I dream about it being me, but it isn't me and probably never will be. So if the human hosepipe can make him happy then so be it.

I can be content with his friendship, and our platonic conversations. Because that's all we are. Platonic. That could be the worst word in the English language, platonic. But I'll be happy for him later when he comes to tell me all about his date. Our friendship has gotten so strong recently that I'm told things like that now. Don't get me wrong; I'm thrilled that he feels comfortable with me, but all the same it's hard to hear the boy I dream about talking about another girl. I don't suppose he would tell me about it, about her if he knew I still liked him beyond all reason why. Like him, I like him, not love. I won't say I love, because to be in love takes two, right? So I won't fall in love. Because I can't fall in love. I don't think I mean that in regards to just him either. I doubt that I will ever be able to fall in love with anyone.

The gossip mill has been working over time in regards to his new relationship. My roommates insist on involving me in these conversations. Pity I've done such a good job of convincing everyone I'm over him. Almost everyone I should say. Hermione still won't believe me but she has hypersensitive intuition and so that isn't all that surprising. Sometimes she catches me staring at him and gives me a small sad smile. I won't tell her that I've caught her staring at Ron the same way on many occasions. My true feelings aside, I can be a good friend and I've been hiding my emotions so well lately, his having a girlfriend won't matter much. Well, it will still matter to me. You see, he's the only boy I've let this close besides my brothers. Michael knows me but not the same way. Michael will never truly hold my heart. I gave that away a long time ago. If only the recipient would notice that he's got it. He's the only one close enough to me to feasibly be able to destroy me. But I will put those emotions back in the locked box in my heart, because that's where they belong. For now, I'll be content to be his friend and Michael's girlfriend. There they go into Madam Puddifoot's. So I'll have to tell Michael that I've changed my mind and I don't want to go there after all. We can go to the Three Broomsticks, and have just as good a time. I can take lot of hits and god knows I already have, but I know what happens with couples when they're in Madam Puddifoot's and there's no way I could handle seeing that without losing control and doing something stupid. Like break up with Michael, who really -- if I let myself think about it-- deserves someone better. But if I'm going to be honest, I deserve someone better than the one I want. I deserve a person who will see me as a girl, not a sister. Too bad that's about as likely as Hagrid getting another dragon.

"You're awfully quiet today, Ginny."

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how we should go to the Three Broomsticks."

"What about Madam Puddifoot's?"

I stumble over my words, thinking fast

" It will be so crowded what with it being Valentine's Day and… um"

"Okay"

I see a look pass over his face while we speak, and I realize something. My heart belongs to someone else and I think Michael might know that. So I join our hands, and give his a squeeze. I won't ever love Michael, but that doesn't mean he has to doubt what we have. I put on a brave face and a fake smile and walk into the Three Broomsticks with someone I can't wait to leave.


End file.
